So often we met people and life seems to be going so well, but we all know nothing lasts forever. Semakin kuat kita bertahan pada hubungan yang gagal, semakin kita hilang kebahagiaan diri. I know it takes strength to move on. Bukan mudah melupakan semuanya.
But why some people go back to the broken relationships? Kita lagi memilih untuk struggle dengan hubungan lama berbanding step out and move on. Yes, susah untuk sesetengah dari kita give up macam tu je, mungkin kita takut tak jumpa orang yang lebih baik dari dia.
He cheated, she cried.
He apologized, she took him back, he cheated again.
This just seemed to be the cycle of your relationship. Why do people go back to situation like that? Dalam hubungan sebegini, segala yang wujud adalah pembohongan dan pengkhianatan semata-mata.
So, don't go back. Ada sebabnya kenapa sesebuah hubungan tu not working. Going back to broken relationships are just ; walking back to broken pieces. You will never be able to move forward.
Everything just reminds me of him. The places that we used to go, the conversation that we had, the memories both of us that I still can't let go. I'm so tired. Because I've tried my best, yet it is just not good enough.
Everyday I pack my days with so many activities, even in weekend, saja sibukkan diri so that I'm not lonely. But somehow, bila malam, duduk sorang-sorang, still teringat kenangan lepas. Kadang rasa penat dah cuba macam-macam but end up, all I want is talk to you again. Kadang dah hampir lupa how you hurt me so much, because I only remember our good time together. I wish I could give anything to go back. But I know, I shouldn't go back.
I know, this is just a temporary weakness. It will pass, as it always will. Going back to him takkan merubah apa-apa. He's still the person he is, because time won't change him. I'm probably insane expecting different results.. sebab tiga kali cuba, tiga kali jugak gagal. And it hurts so much, facing the same pain numerous times. And also, it's heartbreaking to break your own heart for someone who is unable to give you the love you deserve.
It's okay to miss him, normal lah kalau rasa macam tu. But I have to accept that whatever went down between me and him, it should stay in the past. If I'm going backwards, it just delay my healing process and it would reopen my wounds. If I refuse to let go of the past, I will probably unable to cherish my present. I will only making my life harder than it has to be.
DON'T LOVE SOMEONE TO THE POINT OF HATING YOURSELF. DON'T CLING ONTO THE PAST SO TIGHTLY. DON'T GO BACK TO WHAT HAD HURT YOU SO MANY TIMES
I wish there was a way to forget all the memories we shared. All the places we went, all the laughs we shared together, I wish I could forget it because it haunt me always. Sekarang, tiap kali lalu dekat tempat-tempat dating kita, it hurts and breaks me :( Kenapa kenangan tu segar sangat dalam minda, I wish I could forget it, but in fact, I can't get away from it. It's like I'm living in a nightmare, because every corner reminds me of you.
I can't stop remembering every single detail about you, setiap perkara, baik kecil atau besar tentang kita semua masih segar dalam ingatan. Your smile, your giggles, the way you walk, the way you eat, the way your eyes staring at me, the way you look at me and smile :( It's constant memory of what I don't have anymore. Faham tak rasa pedih tu macam mana? When he's so close but yet so far from you.
I wish to forget. How I wish I could make new memories dengan someone else. Bukannya hanya mengharapkan kita dapat ulang that memories. But I can't :( Yes, I wish so many things, but most of all, I wish you loved me back.
Nasihat buat yang baru putus cinta. Maybe this goes against nasihat-nasihat yang pernah korang dengar untuk move on. Maybe I'm completely wrong, but nahhh, this is from my point of view kayyy.
I'm someone who is on speaking terms with my ex. I'm close and be friends with guy who I ever cared about tapi he's did not feel the same way (friendzoned haha). But I don't believe in removing someone from your life hanya sebab mereka tak membalas kasih/cinta anda - they don't feel the same way or their feelings changed, dulu sayang sekarang tak lagi. Ramai yang bagi pesanan "move on lahh, buang dia jauh-jauh, block all the social media". But then I will lose two types of people, someone I love and a friend too. Cukuplah bila dah takde jodoh tu aku hilang kekasih je. Tapi aku still boleh anggap dia sebagai kawan (sebelum bercinta pon memang asalnya berkawan).
I do think ada cara lain lagi to get over people, untuk move on but still have them in my life. Tak perlu buang, tak perlu campak jauh. Orang cakap "you patut let him go.. totally !, you'll never heal kalau masih contact dia lagi, pretend that he didn't exist in your life" Fuhhhh -
Aku dah cuba, dah buat.. but removing someone out of your life doesn't mean they'll got removed easily from your heart. Delete contact number dia, block dia, but then dalam hati? So why make it harder for yourself? Behind every jiwang-jiwang or percintaan korang dulu, secara tak langsung you've developed a friendship. Don't lose that !
Rejection or a break up, you'll probably cry yourself until fall asleep (been there done that before). You'll be upset for a little while but then korang akan sedar yang korang anggap dia antara insan yang terpenting dalam hidup. Because when you love someone, like betul-betul sayang, korang akan pilih untuk kekalkan dia dalam hidup korang - whatever form fits them. Tak semestinya bila dah break up korang terus buang macam tu je, padahal bukan ke korang anggap dia tu penting? So if your relationship never work out, why not turn it into friendship.
I want to built a relationship with people who know me well. Even kisah kita, it's the love story yang I thought would end in happily ever after but it's not happen. Even dia adalah orang yang aku sayang tapi tak mampu menyayangi aku, that's okay. There is something to be said about two people who continue to fight for each other even after things have not gone accordingly, there is a RESPECT.
A respect for me because forgiving them for hurting me,
A respect I had for myself being that strong.
Because it does make you stronger.
Kita sering dimomokkan dengan cakap-cakap orang "not hurting yourself more by keeping them in your life, kenapa sakitkan hati masih berkawan or berhubung dengan ex" So we tend to let go of relationship that means a lot because we think it's for the best. *sigh*
Tapi aku percaya there's something beautiful getting over someone without having to lose them. Macam putus cinta tapi still berkawan. It might take a little longer, untuk tukar perasaan, untuk sesuaikan diri, untuk redha dengan semua but that's okay. Bayangkan, you're laughing at a mamak restaurant about how much you've been through together.
Proses getting over someone or move on isn't easy. There's always going to be a piece of you masih sayang dia, tapi biarkan sayang tu mengalir, sebagai kawan. Mereka pon masih sayang kita, maybe not the way we wanted, but they love you the best way they know.
SOMETIMES LOVE DOESN'T COME IN THE FORM WE WANT IT TO ALL THE TIME, BUT SOMETIMES YOU FIND AN UNCONDITIONAL LOVE LATER WITH THE HEARTS OF THOSE WHO HURT YOU BEFORE :)
Right now, I am here - without you. Untuk kali ini, aku ajar hati supaya okay dengan keadaan begini. Right now, I am learning that it is okay to stop fighting, it is okay to let things be. Mungkin di masa akan datang, kita bahagia. You and I. We are happy together. This time, I am taking all the trips we planned alone. This time, I am healing, I am growing, I am stretching into the space you used to occupy in my life. This time, I am moving on biarpun nampak tempang, biarpun dalam perjalanan ke depan seperti rasa sesuatu tertinggal di belakang. This time, I am setting you free.
In a relationship, you will eventually come to the point where you have to make the choice : stay and fight atau pergi. And sadly, most people will leave. Regardless of the love, regardless of the person, they will run.. because it's easier.
We need to learn to be appreciative and grateful for everything we have and everything we are going to receive. Sebab kita tak dapat predict, we really don't know berapa lama bahagia tu kita pegang. In a relationship, people tend to get so comfortable and as a result, it become bored and complicated. If you take something for granted, you don't worry or think about it because you assume you will always have it, you will never lose it.
And only after the relationship has been ruined you will realize the terrible, irreversible mistakes you have made. At this point, it's too late.
It will be amazing at first. They will give you a feeling that no one else could give so far. Rasa kembali bernyawa - like a little kid seeing the world for the first time. Untuk kali ini, you will feel like life makes sense again. Hanya kerana kehadiran kembali dia yang pernah pergi. The one that almost broke you, they show up. Dan kita yang pernah ditinggalkan ni rasa bahagia, sebab fikir ada harapan untuk jadi "macam dulu".
Tapi jangan lupa, malam-malam yang mendengar tangisan kita, you cried till you had no tears left. Kosong. Jangan lupa dia pernah kecewakan kita dengan perginya dia untuk yang lain. Jangan lupa segala janji yang dia permainkan. Jangan lupa setiap peluang yang dia persiakan. Jangan lupa kesakitan yang kita rasa. Jangan pernah lupa, orang yang sayang kita takkan sakiti kita.
Why they come back? Because they know you love them. They know you will always take them back. They will always use you to feel good. And guess what, mungkin dia akan pergi lagi untuk kesekian kalinya.. Sebab apa? Sebab dia tahu, nanti-nanti dia datang, kita jemput dia masuk lagi.
We deserve someone who never leaves when things get hard, when life becomes complicated, when you're lost and confused, someone who never get swayed no matter how many people are trying to get their attention. We all deserve it.