I remember seeing you two months after break up, and I still remember the feeling, macam ada satu panah tembus tertusuk ke hati (macam la pernah kena panah?) I don't know how to describe feelings masa tu, happy dan dalam masa yang sama, a rush of sadness, anger, dan segala nostalgia hit me at once. Get it? Celaru gila feelings masa tu.

I wanted nothing more than for you to come closer, I wanted you to tell me yang semua berlaku salah faham, and you regret that, I wanted to hear that you missed me cause I missed you so bad, but we just stayed quiet for a few moment.

And now after two years, how can I still remember every details of that day? Malam tu, kita berdua banyak diam. Aku lempar pandangan luar tingkap sambil menghayati bait lagu yang kedengaran, dan kerana terlalu menghayati, aku tak sedar yang air mata jatuh. Dan sampai sekarang tiap kali dengar lagu tu, it brings back the memories - Once - Dealova.

You asked me to stop cry, Tuhan je tahu betapa aku meraung dalam hati, kenapa semua ni jadi, we were just fine before, kenapa kau pilih untuk tipu aku, kenapa kau tergamak ada hubungan dengan perempuan lain, semua tu aku rasa nak penjelasan malam tu, aku dah rabak sangat tanggung luka. And you just said it was a mistake, without further explanation. Kau minta peluang untuk betulkan keadaan. Senang kan?

Sebab sayang I gave you a second chance. Aku cuba buang kenyataan yang kau pernah curang, aku cuma nak kita macam dulu. But then, you acted like you don't need me, you don't want me anymore. You acted like it was my fault. Setiap hari aku menangis, buntu, nak pergi hati masih sayang, tapi terlalu sakit nak teruskan. Then aku cuba, cuba je luahkan semua dan berterus terang yang aku dah penat berjuang seorang, dengan harapan ada halangan dari kau. Percayalah, kalau sekali je kau halang aku untuk pergi, aku memang takkan pergi. Atau kalau pun aku memang dah pergi, dan bila-bila kau sedar kau perlukan aku, I'll always open the door for you.

It took me a long time to see that I would be okay without you. But sometimes, I still miss you. There just less sadness behind it. I still hope that you'll walk through that door, but a big part of me has accepted that you probably won't.

Labels: 2019, goodbyelove