Syifa

Wednesday, December 13, 2017 December 13, 2017 | 0 Comment(s)

All I asked was for you - to fight for me - to tell me the truth when you felt something was wrong - for you to just be honest with how you felt about me.

I loved who we were back then. I loved how we fit into one another’s arms.

Sometimes I want to get back to how we used to be. To get back to the beginning of our love story. To get back to July 2015. To get back to where we were. At the start. To get back just to see your smiles and glances. Because it's precious.

I want to go back to the night, where all I did was listen to your bebelan, your rungutan, your story, your nyanyian yang always salah lirik. I want to go back when just being with one another was enough. You and me, cukup.

And then, I want to go back to when things got tough. Bila something happened to our relationship and it's cracks. To when things were awkward and weird and uncomfortable. I want to go back to when neither of us had answers. To the moment when we had a silence more than words. To when we didn’t have words to describe how we were feeling. To the moment when we had more pauses than conversations. To when everything was going wrong, and we didn’t even know why.

Kenapa nak kembali pada waktu yang menyakitkan tu? Because I want to know, what were you thinking.. and I want to have the courage to question you, siapa aku di mata kau? Apa arah hubungan kita?

Sampai saat ni, I kept questions myself – was I not enough for you? Is it my fault?

But then I have to remind myself how it all blew up. Oh yaa, it was you. It wasn't me.

You were the one who didn’t fight for me. You were the one who didn’t try. To try to make it better. Segala peluang aku buka untuk kita baiki hubungan, I gave you every second to tell me what you wanted. To tell me what you needed. But you stayed with your lips sealed. Dan akhirnya, aku yang sakit. Aku yang terpaksa pendam rasa tu.

And then it was all over.

I gave up. I gave up when I needed you the most but you wasn't here. I gave up when I loved you the most but you don't feel the same. I gave up on 'us' after soooo long hanging on.

And for the last time, you don't even trying to stop me. You.... just... let... me... go...

Labels: 2017, goodbyelove

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