Aku pernah berada dalam fasa yang aku kena jadi perfect untuk someone. I've tried so hard to be the person that's perfect for him. that suit him. But still, I'm not good, not pretty enough. Haha ! Kadang terlampau penat nak kejar expectation someone, terasa macam nak angkat kaki je.


Aku pernah juga berada dalam fasa digantung tak bertali. Sepatutnya masa ni aku dah sedar, yang dia tak ada effort pun nak perbaiki hubungan. Kalau dia betul sayangkan aku, dia akan fight bukan lari or biarkan relationship tergantung macam tu. I'm too attached to leave, but too exhausted to stay. I found myself so hard to move on because of the memories. That's why I keep waiting for that person. Sakit pon sakitlah, tetap nak tunggu.


Aku juga pernah berada dalam fasa sentiasa memaafkan dan terima semula. Selepas relationship berakhir, selalunya aku yang broken teruk while they look so happy with a new life, new partner. Lepas beberapa ketika aku dah mula terima perpisahan tu, they came look for an apology. Sebab aku fikir kebahagiaan aku masih pada mereka, jadi aku maafkan, kutip dan cantum semula perasaan tu.  I keep giving them apologize to maintain the bond we shared, the memories that we held, while ignore the broken pieces of myself. Tapi biasalah, if the relationship are meant to be, it will never slipped away. Going back to a broken relationship never works.


Dan banyak lagi fasa yang tak seronok dalam relationship. Well actually we deserve more. More than that.


Kita deserve someone yang buat kita rasa dihargai, someone who means what they say, yang pegang pada janji, we deserve someone who make us feel love every moment. Once kita rasa hubungan tu macam satu paksaan, paksa diri untuk stay, paksa diri untuk muat dalam ruang hati dia sedangkan dia slowly push kita, then it's not a healthy relationhsip.


And I realize that the more time we waste on the people who don't deserve our love, mean the less time we have with people that do. Kita bagi full attention dekat someone yang dah tak peduli kita, hingga kita tak nampak someone yang always there for us.


So sesiapa yang sedang berada dalam toxic relationship, know where you stand. Selalu kita yang perempuan ni memang susah nak angkat kaki. But remember that the pain of leaving less hurt than prolonged pain that we get if we keep staying and hanging. Because, being in love isn't supposed to hurt.

Labels: 2018, goodbyelove